Thursday, December 9, 2010

Have your own opinion

OK, warning, this is somewhat of a rant blog. And I'm not even mad or upset about anything, I just feel like going off. How sick is that?? :-) Anyway, often times I'm in NO MOOD to hear someone bitch and complain about some crap I probably don't care about anyway, so I'm giving you this opportunity to run while you still can............... Still here?? OK then, here we go:

I've been getting annoyed lately with peoples opinions. And not because I don't agree with them; hell I think I'm one of the most open minded people I know. But what really gets under my skin is when someone simply regurgitates what they've heard from someone else. And it's usually obvious after a tiny amount of discussion that they actually have no idea what the hell they're talking about.

Example, the other day I was talking to someone about gambling(big surprise huh?), and he, or someone else mentioned that he would gamble, but he doesn't like "losing money". He prefers hobbies that are a "sure thing". WHAT.......... the fuck does that mean?? So you don't ever go golfing, hunting, fishing, or any other hobbies that ARE a "sure thing" that you WILL "lose money". When's the last time you ever left a golf course with more money that you came with. NEVER!! Unless......... you played for money and won........ basically GAMBLING!! Oh and you surely don't mind going out to eat and basically converting your money into a turd, but gambling is just out of the question. At least with my hobby, I do sometimes make money. Sorry to go off, but you see the complete lack of logic in that statement right?????

And my point is not that I hate everyone that doesn't love gambling, but when people make generic statements like that, it just makes them look dumb. If someone came up to me and said, "Julian, I've played poker before, I don't like it, it's boring, and I'm not into it". Guess what, no problem. I wouldn't take the slightest offense to that. You have a logical opinion that YOU came up with yourself, and I respect the hell out of that.

I mean it's everywhere, sports, politics, religion, you name it. There's always some dumb general opinion that gets formed, and then people that don't like to think for themselves just latch on that opinion and regurgitate it every chance they get. And it drives me NUTS!!!!

Anyway, if you made it this far down this blog, god bless you for listening to my rant. I feel better for getting it out.................


Friday, October 22, 2010


Hey out there! So I had a random thought, like I very often do, and it was so powerful that I felt compelled to blog about it.

I've always felt very blessed. I have a wonderful family, blood and otherwise, I have my health, I have a good job in a rough economy, and I'm devilishly good looking :-)

But I'm blessed in another way, which I feel is rare in some people's cases. I have a SHIT LOAD of GOOD........... no GREAT friends. Either one without the other is very common, but I feel both is quite rare.

And that allows me to be myself, which is HUGE. Let me explain: Often times, I see a friend, or family member, or anyone for that matter in a social situation; and they're acting totally weird. Basically they're not being themselves. Ya know, they're talking in their "rich yuppie" tone of voice, or talking about some baseball game when I know damn well they hate baseball as much as everyone else does.

Then it hits me......... they HAVE to act that way so that particular "group" of people will accept them. And then I feel sad for them. They must REALLY need that group of people in their life, otherwise they wouldn't act like that. They would just be themselves.

I personally like to live by my good friend Chris Cornell's mantra: "To be yourself is all that you can do". Hell, why would anyone not do that??

Luckily for me, I have TONS of great friends, so........ to put it bluntly, I don't need any new friends. Now don't get me wrong, I'm ALWAYS looking for new friends that I can laugh and have fun with. People that can inspire me, and who knows, maybe I'll inspire them?? But if someone doesn't like me, for EXACTLY who I am, then well as my good friend Robert Dinero said... "fuck em".

So........... in closing, you're never gonna see me pretending to like politics, hunting, or baseball, or laughing in the textbook "yuppie douchebag" voice; unless of course I'm making fun of someone.

And to all my many great friends out there: I Love You Bitches......


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

New Blog

Hey Peeps, what's up?? Long time no post, I know. Sorry, I know you all can't live without my random crap right??

ANyway, I've starter YET ANOTHER Blog, and if you like Poker, or even wanna follow my journey into this new endeavor, follow it and tell me what you think.



Monday, September 20, 2010

Poker Chronicles..........

Hello out there all my loving fans. Here's the update I know you've all been dying for....

Well my bankroll has grown to around $70, but not by anything deserving. I actually have been very up and down, and out of frustration and a little under the influence, I sat down at a table with all my money, and hit a big hand and tripled my stack!! Crazy I know, and super irresponsible. Had I lost that hand, it would have been QUITE awhile until I had another 50 bucks to play with..........

And if I'm gonna watch this stack of virtual chips grow, I'm gonna have to learn to have patience and self control. We'll see.............................

I'm going to set a personal goal for the next week to not sit down with more that 5% of my whole bankroll at any given table, and set a stop loss of 10% of my bankroll in a given day.

Till next time...........


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

P-p-p-Poker Face...........

Hello friends!! Sorry for the long delay in posts, I know you were all DYING for the next installment of the good old Random Crap Blog. Well this post is just as random....

After 3 years away from it, I've decided to throw my hat back in the poker ring. On a small scale of course....... the wife and kid take up a lot of my time, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

But I did decide to once again start pursuing a great love of mine, that could even be a second source of income. I've always loved playing cards, and when I'm sober and under control, I'm not too bad at it. But can I make money at it?? Therein lies the question.

I've decided to put 25 bucks into a poker site, and see if I can slowly turn it into something worthwhile. And what is worthwhile you ask?? Hell I don't know, let's start with not loosing it all, and go from there.

I'll keep you updated as I hopefully grind my way up to a somewhat profitable hobby. We'll see..............


Thursday, July 29, 2010

International Burn a Koran Day

Finally, a Blog with some Controversy!! As an avid Lex and Terry listener, I was surprised to hear they had a very special guest on yesterday: "Dr" Terry Jones, leader of the Dove World Outreach Center. He was on there hyping up a "very special" even on September 11th called "International Burn a Koran Day". It's exactly what it sounds like, and Lex and Terry, along with myself and pretty much anyone with a brain found this guy so DUMB, it was actually entertaining.

Of course "Dr." Jones hates Muslims. He also hates homosexuals, and a whole mess of people that weren't a member of his "church" (Church of 30 members BTW). BTW, if you're wondering why the Dr in his title is quoted, it's because he is a "Dr of divinity", as he calls it......... Translation: I want people to think I know a lot, so I added the Dr title. He's as much of a Dr. as Gene Simmons is Dr. Love.

Anyway, as most of you know, I'm pretty open minded. I'm a christian heterosexual man that married a woman of his own race. But I think that people should do whatever makes them happy. If you're gay, fine, be gay, enjoy life and fuck what anyone thinks. Same thing for interracial relationships (yes believe it or not, there's still people that feel like they need to throw down on THAT too). Don't believe in God? That's your deal, not mine. Don't push you're beliefs on me and I won't push mine on you, deal?

It pains me to see someone hate on ALL Muslims because of 9/11. Hey I'm a white boy from Oklahoma, I guess that means that sooner or later I'm gonna drive a Ryder truck full of explosives to a building and light the fuse huh? Why not?? McVeigh did it?

Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? Tell that to Dr. Jones. And BTW who doesn't think of that adorable Asian kid from Indiana Jones every time I say Dr. Jones??

Anyway, Dr. Jones, if you're out there, good luck on 9/11/10. I hope you bring enough attention to your "church" to satisfy whatever money or attention starved agenda is hidden behind all these "beliefs" your bullshitting about.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Movie Review: Predators

Ok, since I know you all LOVE hearing my opinions on every frekin thing, I thought I would start doing some movie reviews. Don't worry, with a 10 month old, and a MAJOR backyard renovation going on, I'm lucky to catch a movie every couple of months. So you won't have to worry about reading too many of these.

As a huge fan of the original Predator movie, I was very excited to hear about Predators coming out. It seemed that after all the Alien vs Predator crap, they'd finally gotten back to the original bad ass jungle madness. Well........... be careful what you wish for.

If you're going to see the movie, don't read on, as there are some spoilers!!

First off, The main "good guy" role couldn't have been cast worst. Seriously, we go from this guy:

To this guy:

Really?? This guy?? I feel like asking him for advice on what shoes to wear with this tie, not how to kill a planet of crazy aliens. And the WHOLE movie he had the "Dark Knight" low gruff voice that made you wanna jump through the screen and feed him to one of the Predators.

And I know I said I was excited to see them get back to the "Old School Predator" roots, but I didn't realize that meant an EXACT clone of the classic 1987 movie. I'm serious, each character in the movie was basically a poor mans version of one of the original characters in Predator.

Anyway, you get the idea. And it didn't just stop at the characters. The classic "What..... the Fuck are You??" line was in there. Covering yourself in mud to hide the heat signature for the final battle with the Predator??........ Oh yeah that was in there two. And............ strangely enough, the main good guy and only female in the movie are the only two that survived. Can you believe it?? And on and on and on.........................

So in closing, if you wanna see Predators, I suggest you just rent the original. You'll be happy you did......


Thursday, July 1, 2010

Keep It Simple

I truly believe that so many people over complicate their lives. Myself included sometimes. But I AM working on it, and I think you ALL should do the same. Simplify your life and you WILL see your stress level drop. Trust me, I know :-)

Here's a great example I love sharing.

As many of you may or may not know, the Golden Gate Bridge is not only the most popular place in the USA to commit suicide, but the most popular place in THE WORLD.

One psychiatrist noticed a very interesting trend among the jumpers: They always jumped off the side that faced San Francisco. Fascinated by this, he set out to figure out why. He spent years and TONS of money doing research, wondering if people were wanting to get one last look at the city that had done them wrong, or maybe that side would make them more visible to passers by, creating more of a spectacle. He researched these theories, along with TONS of others, until he finally got the break he was looking for (no pun intended).

A jumper had survived, and like always, he had jumped off the side facing San Francisco. The psychiatrist rushed to meet the man, who was badly injured, but alive and somewhat coherant. Excited to finally get some insight on this conundrum that he'd spent all this time and money on, he asked the man why.

The man responded "well, that's the only side you can park on".....................

Keep it simple...................


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

3/4 of a YEAR!!!!!!!

Holy crap, I can NOT believe my baby boy is already 9 months old!! I swear only yesterday we were bringing his little 6 pound self home and trying to figure out how to take care of someone who depends on you for EVERYTHING!!! Crazy I tell you.

He's got to be at least 18 pounds now, and if you ask him, he's already an adult. He doesn't care much for cuddling anymore :-( and his number one priority BY FAR is figuring out what he's not supposed to be getting into, and then getting into it.

He's so energetic and full of life, he truly inspires me every morning when he wakes up, gives me a huge smile, and takes off at full speed for whatever that day's adventure is.

Coop, Daddy's so proud of you already. You're such an amazing boy, and I really can't imagine life without you. Oh, and try to stay away from the trash can. I now it's a pretty cool contraption from your view, but it's nasty.................


Smack Talk 101, "Of Course............"

Good morning my neighbors!!!!!!!! How is everyone?? Well it's been a while since I've had ANY blog, let alone another Smack Talk 101. But I wanted to make sure everyone wasn't getting sick of me (god I'm so needy sometimes). Anyway, this segment touches on a VERY quick, and effective diss that is not only good for a quick strike, but can sometimes cause "Mental Warfare".

We all remember American Beauty right? Ya know the Kevin Spacey movie; mid life crisis, daughter w slutty friend, loser wife that hooks up with the crazy eyebrow guy?? Ya know.... this one:

Yeah I knew you'd remember. Anyway, one big point that Mena Suvari's character was constantly trying to make was how much it sucks to be "normal", "ordinary" or "predictable". And all though her character in the movie was very hot.. errrr, I mean shallow, she brings up a good point; we all want to be thought of as special, or unique, and it's pretty surprising how many people take offense to simply being called : ordinary.

Which brings me to my diss...............

Let's get a few examples: We all know the "One Up" guy/gal in any circle of friends. No matter what you've done, they did it the week before. If you make 8 bucks an hour, they make 9, you get it. So let's say you're hanging out, and you mention that you're going to take a trip to Vegas. And all of the sudden, One Up guy jumps in "Oh yeah, I go there all the time, I have a permanent room at the Wynn and they always comp me stuff and I was in the owners wedding blah blah blah". At that point, just let it out: "Well of course you do".

It may seem subtle, but two things just happened: One, everyone in the room just gave you standing ovation in their heads, and two, you just dropped a "smart bomb" in the douchebag's head. And minutes, hours, or maybe days later he's gonna be wondering what the hell that means, and who the hell you think you are. And that's the "mental warfare" part of it. A war you easily win with your subtle but deadly diss.

It also works on other types, like the "Bitch" of the group: "And I told that ho that if she ever touched my man, I'd kick her ass"............. "Of course you did". As if to say, "Yes, you're a bitch...... we get it." Oh you're so cool, you're not afraid to "go there".

Anyway, you get the idea. Find a person with a very predictable personality, and tee off on it every chance you get.

Have a great week, and as always, comments, suggestions, hate mail, and whatever else is welcome.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Homeless Dude Project

Hey.......... what a coincidence, I also work for food!! I also work to pay for my mortgage, my car payment, formula, beer, golf........ you get the idea.

Throughout my adult life, my attitude has changed...... often and a lot in some cases. The 18 year old Julian; while awesome and in pretty good shape as I remember, was quite flawed. And I hope that the 27 year old Julian is at lease a slight improvement, all though according to my lovely wife, I have become more of a bitch. But that's a whole different blog.

Anyway, on to my point. One thing I've really tried to work on as the years passed is my compassion, and giving people the benefit of the doubt..... at least until they prove me wrong. Let's say some random homeless dude is sitting on the side of the road with a sign. We've all seen them. The 18 year old Julian would have immediately been disgusted and started bitching and carrying on about what a worthless piece of crap this guy is, and probably yelled "get a job you piece of crap" as I drove by.

Nowadays I think I feel a little sorry for the guy, but then I ask myself how he got there, and how much he's really doing to better his situation. And then I had a genius idea to find out............. The Homeless Dude Project.

Here's my plan: Find 10 random homeless people. And offer them a job, nothing too hard or strenuous; just basic manual labor. Say......10 bucks an hour. Give them the address, and offer them a ride, or at least a bus ticket so there's no "I couldn't get there" excuse.

Then, the Homeless Dude Project begins..........

My guess is, out of 10, 6-8 won't show up, or call you, or contact you ever again. But again, this is 27 year old Julian, and I want to give these people a chance. If they do show up, maybe they'll work hard and do good..... my guess is they'll realize that panhandling is easier than actual work and quit, or just not show up the next day, or have such a crappy work ethic that you have to fire them. But again, benefit of the doubt here.

So where do you come in?? Well like most of you, I work for someone else, and I don't have the power to hire/fire people. So I wanna get some of you small business owners in on this. Or those of you that work for someone else, see if your boss will back you up on this, I'm going to.

Let's see if these people truly down on their luck, or did they put themselves where they are.

They say "Will work for food". Let's call their bluff..................


Monday, May 17, 2010

Balls Up Chapter 2, Playing with New People

Hello friends, welcome to Chapter 2 of the "Balls Up" series, a every man's guide to golf etiquette. This chapter will discuss playing with new people. Something that can be nerve racking, but doesn't have to be. It can actually be a really fun time, especially if you probably won't see that person again :-)

Anytime I hear about a new guy that I'll be playing with, I only have one question: Is he good??. That way I know how to act. If he's good, you can probably bet he at least takes the game somewhat seriously, so maybe don't fart during his back swing, or unstrap his clubs from the cart so they fly off when the cart takes off.

But that doesn't mean you can't have fun. Just keep the beer coming and stay the hell out of his way and you'll probably end up buddies by the time it's over. That's how it works out for me anyway.

And whatever you do, NEVER....... let me repeat NEVER offer up golf advice to ANYONE, but especially someone you don't know that well. I know, you read Golf Digest last night while you were on the pot, but no one cares. No one. Don't be that guy!!!

Just have fun, and try not to hit anyone with your balls. (He he he).


RIP Ronnie James Dio

It's a sad day my fellow rockers. One of the greatest rock vocalists of all time, and the creator of my all time favorite hand signal (no it's not the finger), has passed after a battle with stomach cancer.

Ronnie James Dio is probably best known for taking the reigns of Black Sabbath after Ozzy Osbourne left. He did a great job, and recorded Heaven and Hell, one of my favorite Sabbath songs. He also went on to form his own band, Dio, which recorded many hits, such as Holy Diver, and Rainbow in the dark.

So here's to a true pioneer of Rock and F'N Roll.

RIP Dio, you will be missed..............


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Balls Up Chapter 1, Quick Run of Golf Lessons

Not gonna waste a lot of time here. Believe it or not, actually playing well is a DISTANT 5th on my priorities behind 1: Having fun, 2: Getting a nice buzz, 3: Talking Crap, and 4: Getting some sun on my white ass.

So here's my quick, yet effective strategy for when you actually have to set down your beer, be quiet, and hit the ball once in a while.

Balls: Cheap. The cheaper the better.

Clubs: Honestly, whatever looks and makes you feel like a BAD ASS, that's what you should buy. Who cares how cheap or expensive they are.

Off the tee: If it's not a par 3, Driver. End of story. Put that stupid ass hybrid up, no one from the tour is scouting you today, and I highly doubt you're going to hit that silly looking thing good anyway. Quit taking yourself so seriously. Driver all the way.

Irons: Take one more club than you think you need, and swing easy. Like a pitching wedge. Nice..... and easy.

Shot Shaping: If you wanna try to draw it, go for it. Hit a high cut, or a low fade, or hell, try to clear some tall trees. You might not make it, but you probably won't hit it straight if you try that either, so who gives a shit?? Just have fun out there.

Lay up or go for it: I hope you don't ever ask yourself this question, but if you do.............. GO FOR IT!!! If you have 225 yards to clear water and you hit your 3 wood 226 yards, you damn well better go for it. If you hit your 3 wood 220 yards, use your driver off the ground. Yes you can do that and no it won't hurt your precious 800 dollar Taylormade CRZ-99LBT with adjustable weighting parameter zone distribution.

On the green. Putt it in the damn hole. If it's within the steel part of you putter shaft to the hole, it's a gimme. I don't give a shit if it's for eagle or triple bogey. Pick it up.

I think that's it............ any questions??

Don't you love getting golf advise from a guy probably breaks 100 25% of the time??


Balls Up!

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret

Never have more true words been spoken. Hello, and welcome to my latest round of babblings, entitled: Balls Up. It's a REAL WORLD guide to golf Etiquette. Not that "place ball two club lengths not nearest the hole" crap. Real world rules for those of us that aren't in the PGA.

Warning: If you take Golf seriously, don't read ANY further. Seriously, if you're the guy that throws grass up in the air to see which way the wind's blowing, and doesn't like people walking in "YOUR LINE",just go back top whatever you were doing. I honestly appreciate you stopping by, and be sure to check out all the other crap I blog about.

Anyway, golf is such an amazing hobby of mine. All though I haven't been playing much lately, it is truly my favorite hobby......... and I SUCK!! I'm horrible at golf, but I have so much fun, and I ALWAYS laugh my ass off, and usually come home with a decent buzz and a few new stories to tell.

And that's what this series of blogs will be about: How to act on a golf course. I'll be covering all sorts of crap, from playing with people you don't know, to trash talking (yes golf has it's own set of trash talk), to flirting with the beer girl without coming off creepy. And all sorts of other shit. It's all here for the taking.

And......... as an added bonus, I'll have plenty of real life stories peppered in there for your enjoyment. Like the time me and my buddy rolled a gol......... I think I'll save that one for later.

Anyway, stay tuned for the first episode coming soon!!!!!!!!!

Comments and suggestions are welcome as always!!!!


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Life Update

Anyone remember this guy? He's the crazy baby selling biker guy from Raising Arizona. He used to scare the shit out of me when I was a kid.

So anyway, with all the crazy informative blogs lately, I really haven't been keeping anyone updated on what's up with me. Not that it's all that interesting, but are any of my blogs really all that interesting??

My life hasn't changed all that much. Coop is now crawling and climbing up on EVERYTHING, which means no more set him down and watch TV. But it's so amazing to see him learn to balance, and "cruise" along the coffee table and it seems like half the time we go into his room while he's supposed to be napping, he's standing in his crib just checking out the world.

Every thing's so new to him. Rain, Snow, Solid Food, Soon to be The Blazing Oklahoma Heat, etc. We should all be so lucky to have our minds blown on a daily basis.

What a great kid, he sleeps good, smiles ALL the time, and if you don't fall in love with him the moment you meet him, don't even worry about getting to know me.

And his mom is blowing my mind constantly as always. To see her transform into this amazing mother pretty much instantly is so inspiring to me. Every day is a gift with those two, let me tell you. What ever I did to deserve them is BEYOND me!!

Here's a few pics of the clan, not the Klan, but the Case Clan.


Monday, May 10, 2010


Hello my people of the Blog World. I hope you enjoy my little blog, and I appreciate you stopping by.

As always, comments and suggestions are not only allowed, but STRONGLY encouraged. After all, this is for all of your enjoyment, so feedback is crucial!

I wanted to keep you all abreast (he he breast) of a few things. As you can see, I've added a news segment, which I try to update at least a few times a week so you can all stay informed, as well as a video player of some random funny crap for your enjoyment also! So you don't just have to read my ramblings when you happen to stumble over here.

Anyway, the Smack Talk 101 course is almost completed, but I'm already developing another course thanks to some feedback from a fan. See..... the feedback works!

My next course, which will be a practical guide to golfing, from a drunken, 30 handicap (on a good day)'s perspective. I haven't quite figured out a name, but as always, I'm up for suggestions.

And as always, the normal Random Crap Blog Segments are in full effect! And what are those you ask??

Douchebag of the Week (Every Tuesday)
Ask Jules (On demand)
Smack Talk 101 (Last segment this week!)

And much more to come!

Have a good week,


Thursday, May 6, 2010


Sorry to be so abrupt, I hope you'll forgive me.

I really feel like the creative juices haven't been flowing as much lately, and I need some new blog ideas??



Which type of blogs do you guys enjoy the most??



Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Smack Talk 101, Part 4: Sarcasm is Golden

Hello my friends!! How are you??

OK, I must say, this is BY FAR my favorite segment of the Smack Talk 101 course. I LOVE sarcasm. I honestly overuse it, but I just love it so much. It's a very useful tool when running smack, and when used in conjunction with my next and final chapter to the Smack Talk 101 course, it can be a very helpful lure to have in your smack talk tacklebox. Ohh I like that name, Smack Talk Tacklebox. Damn I wish I would have named this course that. Oh well........

Crap I forgot to include a picture, hmmmmmmmm here's one I find funny:

Funny?? At least random right? Anyway..............

Sarcasm is really pretty self explanatory. I suggest you use it often.

Need some examples? Of course you don't. But I wanna give some anyway, so here goes.

"Hey Julian, did you hear that Lindsey Lohan has a substance abuse problem?"

"Nooooooo, REALLY??"

Ya know what, you guys know how to use sarcam. I'm just endlessly rambling at this point.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Douchebag of the Week Segment 2

Welcome to the Random Crap Blog!! This weeks Douchebag of the week award goes out to; not a specific person, but a douchy group of people. And the award goes to:

Facebook Spell Checkers!!

You know who you are!! Prowling the Social Networking Circuit with your self righteous attitude.

Guess what? I don't care if I spell "definitely" wrong, and I also don't care if I use "there" instead of "their", or "a lot" vs "allot". IT'S FREKIN FACEBOOK!! Not a job resume, not my acceptance speech for the Pulitzer Prize. Quit taking life so damn seriously........

And this also applies to Myspace, Twitter, and ............ yes, that's right.... even Blogger. These are Blogs, not an international peace treaty.

So.......... to all those Spell Checkers out there: Go Fukk Yurselv


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Smack Talk 101, Part 3: Compare and Contrast

Welcome to the third installment of the Smack Talk 101, Compare and Contrast. This is a very good offensive move that is sure to get some good jabs at your buddies.

Let's say Peyton Manning and I are hanging out, which we do pretty often :-). And I'm walking out back to......... I don't know smoke a joint or fly a space shuttle or whatever else I do in this crazy fantasy world I'm in. And I say "Hey Peyt (my nickname for him), throw me a beer". So he tosses one, and it lands about 10 feet from where I am. As a quick on my feet smack talker, I decide to move in for the "compare and contrast" diss: "Man, Eli would NEVER have missed that one". POW, right in the kisser. Simple, and immedeitely get's the point across.

This simple technique works best if you compare/contrast them with competitors, siblings, or enemies.

Need another example?? I know you don't, but here's one anyway. Let's say my STAUNCH republican friend and I are hanging out, and he says, "Hey man, I forgot my wallet, can you spot me $20 for some crack?". My response is "Sure Obama, let me just pay for everything for you!!". Boom, right in the five hole.

Get it? Got it? Good!


Douchebag of the Week Segment 1

Hello there, and welcome to the FIRST segment of The Random Crap Blog, Douchebag of the Week.

Since there isn't any real current news that's very douchy, I have chosen: Mike Score from Flock of Seagulls.

In a not so recent interview, he stated his EXTREME dislike for having to play the famous (and the only) hit "I Ran". I think his exact words were something like: "I hate playing that song, I hate when it even gets requested".

If you don't remember it, well first of all welcome to the United States, I hope you enjoy your stay. Second of all, it's the one that goes: "And I ran....... I ran so far away....... couldn't get way....... SEE!! I knew you'd remember it.

I believe that's called "Biting the Hit that feeds you", you funky haired asshole! Not only would you not be doing this very interview, but you'd be flipping burgers at McDonald's if it wasn't for this ONE AND ONLY Flock of Seagulls song that isn't total crap with a side of shit.

So Mike Score, congratulations. Not only is this the first time in about 25 years anyone has talked about you, but you also won the very FIRST Random Crap Blog Douchebag of the Week award.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Even More Crap!!!

Hello there my Blogworld friends! In an effort to keep all you crazy followers of mine EVEN MORE informed, I've decided to add TWO new segments to the Random Crap Blog.

In addition to my "Ask Jules" column, and my informative blogs, I've now added "Douche Bag of the Week" on Tuesdays, and "Funny Word of the Week" on Thursdays.

If you would like to nominate a Douche Bag or Funny Word, or have any questions for the "Ask Jules" column, OR are just dying for another informative blog, get a hold of me any which way you can!!

OR............... if you have any other ideas for the Random Crap Blog, I'd love to hear em!!


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Smack Talk 101, Part Two: Beat Em To the Punch

Welcome to chapter two of my Smack Talk 101, Beat Em To the Punch. This is a very important chapter, and should be read only once, but re read MANY times (think about it). It's definitely the most important chapter of the "defensive moves" chapters, and possibly the most important of all 5 chapters.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing a fellow smack talker conjuring up a diss in his head, only to be cut off at the knees by this simple move. The sheer frustration in their eyes is awesome, and BTW, this is a perfect time for a counter punch. But we'll get into that in later chapters.......

And this simple move........ is a self diss, or the "Beating them to the Punch" move. Sound confusing?? Let me give you an example:

Say a buddy and I are meeting up for lunch, I mention to him, "Hey man, did you catch Grey's Anatomy last night?" Now I know for a fact he's setting up a "you're gay" diss in his head, but he's waiting for the right time to throw it. So then he goes in for the setup: "Wait........... you watch Grey's Anatomy?????" And then I crush his dream with my answer, "Well yeah, I'm gay". And you can see his eyes droop like I just told him I slept with his wife. Because now, he either repeats what I just said and looks like a total idiot, or he has to sit back and look for another opening.

Need another?:

"Damn Jim, did you buy ANOTHER new car??" "Yeah ......... I'm addicted to debt, you didn't know that??".

"Hey Don, aren't you going to the poker game?" "No my wife's got my balls, and I can't have em back till Tuesday".

You get the idea.

This simple and extremely effect tactic is like a bulletproof vest for disses.

Now I know you're all asking, "But Julian, how will I know what kind of diss is about to be thrown??" Well that.............. much like anything worth a shit takes time and a little practice. But fear not, you'll pick it up quick. Because if you're following my blog, you must be pretty sharp; and on a quest for knowledge.

Well that's it for the defensive smack talking, next is the all powerful offensive strategies. You'll love em, trust me........


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Smack Talk 101, Part One: Don't Be a Bitch

Welcome to Part One of a the Smack Talk 101 series: Don't Be a Bitch.

This is pretty self explanatory, but it still needs to be addressed. As a 24/7/365 smack talker, I dish out my fair share of disses, so of course I get more than a king's share thrown back at me. It's important that you learn to "own them". If you get a good diss thrown your way that really hits you between the eyes, all you can do is smile, and say "you asshole, you got me". Even it it kinda cuts deep, don't EVER............EVER let someone know they got to you.

Trust me, if you try to be a baby that wants to take his/her toys and go home, not only will you look like a total biotch, but you basically just slit your wrist over a shark's tank. And when they get a whiff of that blood, you're toast. Next thing you know, your crying yourself to sleep wondering what the hell just happened.

It's kinda like that Chinese finger trap, the more you resist, the more trapped you get.

So remember, if you get a good diss thrown your way, own it. Take your medicine and move on. Don't be a............ well you know.


Smack Talk 101

Has their ever been a been a better shit talker than Cassius Clay??

Yeah I didn't think so either.

In my effort to support my Hugh Jass ego, that actually thinks I have something useful to contribute to society, I've decided to post a series of articles about one of the few things I'm pretty damn good at; and that's talking smack. DAMN what a long sentence!!

Anyway, this will be a 5 part series that's guaranteed to make you better at talking smack with your friends, enemies, or anyone in between!

Smack talking, talkin shit, throwing down, whatever you wanna call it, is a delicate art. Lay it on too thick, and you'll come off as a douche bag:

Too thin, and you identify yourself as a doormat, for people to take advantage of and crap on:

But what you're looking for is the perfect combination. And I have 5 simple rules to making that happen:

Each will be discussed separately in each of the 5 installments of Smack Talk 101.

The first two are defensive, and by FAR the most important. And the last three are offensive. Those are the most fun, but are not even a close second in importance to the first two.

1. Don't be a bitch.
2. Beat them to the Punch.
3. Compare and Contrast.
4. Sarcasm is golden.
5. Talk smack without saying a word.

Look for the first installment soon.

And as always feel free to submit your questions, comments, or whatever else to me any frekin way you can!


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Monkey Knife Fight

Is there anything better than a good old fashioned Monkey Knife Fight?? I think not.

So how is everyone?? Good I hope. I'm well, thanks for asking..... well I'm sure you would if ... I ... well you know.

So I guess everyone knows about Phil winning the masters, I would say he was my second pic to win behind my number one man crush, Tiger. He's a great golfer and his wife is pretty hot too, well best I could tell with those Hugh Jass sunglasses on. So good for you Phil, you Hugh Grant look-alike you.........

Man this blog is really going no where isn't it? I really just wanted a reason to post that awesome MKF pic I found.

See ya,


Monday, April 12, 2010


I'm trying my new "post blogs from your cell phone feature"

Please post a comment if it worked!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Masters Week

For those of you that have been living under a rock, the Masters start today. Which is big every year, but this year is especially huge because the long awaited return of Mr. Tiger 99 problems and 15 bitches are one, (or 15.... whatever) is returning to golf.

I wish him well, and no matter what happens, I'm just glad to have a reason to watch golf again.

GET IN THE HOLE TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dear Jules, Vol. 1

Dear Jules,

One of my students told me today that she doesn't like our class because most of the kids in there are weird and annoying. I think that the class is fun, a little immature, but they laugh at my jokes and they tell funny stories to the class. I told her to lighten up a light and she said, but it is 7th hour, we should all be tired and ready to go home. What would you have said?"

Sincerely, "Uncertain how to answer teacher"

Ahhhh, the classic "Too cool for school" kid.


I'm kind of a dick, especially when a "cool kid" tries to be even cooler by making a comment like that. My first response would have been "I'm sorry, we're just not NEAR cool enough for you", in the most ass whiped, sarcastic tone you can conjure up. Not only does that isolate that douche kid from the rest of the class, but it forms a bit camaraderie between you and the other "weird and annoying" kids in the class. I don't really know if isolation is frowned upon amongst teachers, but I do it often when I need to put someone in their place.

Then I might have thrown something in like "maybe you're tired and ready to go home, but I'm still energized, being that I didn't wear myself out being a downer all day". Ya know, more of a subtle jab to get em thinking.

I call them jabs, because at the time, the person might not even really realize what you mean, but for the rest of the day, that little comment will be floating around in their head driving them nuts.

And that's when victory is yours.......................

Till next time,



What Would Julian Do?

OK maybe that's a little too sacrilegious, how bout Ask Jules??

I'm honored to say that I was asked to start an advice column. Personally, I always thought I would give pretty kick ass advice, but since I usually stick to the "mind your own damn business" mantra, I usually don't get the chance.

So here's how it works: Submit your question Via e mail, Facebook, or leave a comment on one of my posts. Put "Dear Jules", in the heading, and I'll post it on my blog. ALL POSTS will be anonymous, and if you would like your advice to be kept private, that's fine too, just mention it along with your question.

Here's my contact info, feel free to use ANY of these portals to get a hold of me:

Call/Text: 381-0993
E Mail:
Facebook, just find me.
Or leave a comment on this post, or any post for that matter.


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Be the "Guy that goes to shit"

Why is this funny? I don't know either, but it sure as hell makes me laugh.

I apologize for the near 2 month blogging sabbatical, rest assured I've still been keeping up with you guys, all 4 of you or however many there are. I've been a busy man, I moved my shop, put Coop into, and back out of daycare, and pretty sure I gained a few pounds.

For those of you Catholic followers, can we get a big HELL YEAH for the end of Lent coming up in less than 5 days! Man I'm gonna drink so much coffee I'll be wired for days!! And I'll probably have a few coney's, and some pop, but I REALLY miss my coffee. I guess that's the point right?

On a more serious note, a dear friend of mine lost his Mom. She was a wonderful lady; all though I never really knew her that well, if you've ever met any of her 5 children, there's no doubt she was a wonderful parent and a wonderful person to be around (man what a long sentence). We will miss you Pat.

Going to her funeral yesterday reminded me of how important it is to me to be "The guy that goes to shit". It seems like every time there's a wedding, a funeral (wait, aren't those the same?? :-), a B Day party, an engagement party, bachelor party, you get the idea. Anyway, anytime there's an event like that, I'm there, as long as I was invited of course. For two reasons, one, I like to party, and two: Nothing I'm doing is more important. Not work, not Greys Anatomy, or checking my Facebook, or even checking my Blog (yeah I said it).

In my life I've been to several funerals, and god knows how many weddings, and so on. And I've never once thought "Jeez I wish I'd gone to work instead today, imagine the work I could have gotten done!" but I've missed 2 funerals in my life that I really wish I'd been to. I don't even remember what I was doing that day that JUST couldn't wait, but I know for sure it wasn't one tenth as important to paying my respects to people that I will NEVER get the chance to pay my respects to again. Well........... not in this life.

So since then it's always been important to me to "be the guy that goes to shit. To be there for people when they celebrate their love, or their life, or the fact that they're another year older, or maybe some poor sap that's getting married and wants one last blow out with the guys.

Besides, I'm always up for a party....................................................


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentines!

What's up my people? So the Daytona 500 is today, and of course it's Valentines Day. The most Hallmark of the Hallmark Holidays, but it is a good time to be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life and reflect.

This time last year, we heard the heartbeat of our sweet Coop for the first time! Of course we didn't know if he was going to be "Cooper" or "Ava" or "Kaiser" (not my favorite) or 40 other names we were tossing around. But we were SOOO excited for things to come. And just like that here we are a year later and Coops already laughing and smiling and rolling like crazy and just developing so damn fast it's crazy.

I can only hope that every Valentines is this great! I have a wonderful wife, great kid, and life is good! Whoo hoo.

So everyone have a great VD. Wait... not that kind of VD, well hell, do what you want.


Monday, February 1, 2010

Brain Dump

Hello my loyal followers, I apologize for not posting recently. I've been busy with this crazy kid named Cooper, and his even crazier momma, some of you may know her too :-).

I've also been on a fairly hardcore marketing campaign for my business, which includes several new advertising avenues, including my Car Car Blog, which you all need to join. Go ahead I'll wait........ just click on the pretty pic of Coop and Momma and daddy somewhere over here >>>, and click on it, go to my blogs, and follow Case Auto Specialists. Go ahead, do it. NOW!! Thanks, I appreciate it. You'll now recieve 5% off all services.

Case Auto has been a passion of mine for some years now, and it's also the love child of my crazy ambition and my love of working with my hands. Let's hope this marketing campaign helps spice up revenues, because as much as I love doing something on "The Side", I no longer have the time for a part time gig AND a full time job as well. So 2010 will either bring my sweet love child Case Auto to "Legit Business" status, or it will be the end of my side project, depending on how well I do marketing and promoting my business.

But enough of the serious adult crap, this is going to be an exiting month, Superbowl Sunday is in 6 days, Valentines Day is quickly approaching, and for all my Catholic friends out there, it's ash Wednesday. I can't believe it's almost lent again. Crazy how the time files. Not sure what I'm giving up yet, but I'm sure it will be torture as usual. That's the point right?

Man what a jumbled up mess this blog was!! I should go back, edit, and organize it, but that would defeat the whole "brain dump" idea wouldn't it??

See Ya!!


Saturday, January 16, 2010

My Sharon Story.................

Well late is an understatement about this story, as her birthday, 50th might I add was over a week ago. And MORE than a week before that we were all asked to come up with a good "Sharon Story". So I definitely dropped the ball, but I really wanted to put some thought into how I was going to tell this tale of teenage affection meets concerned parent meets near death experience.

Interested yet???? Read on............

Let me set the tone for you. The year is 1999, I'm a 17 year old boy/man coming off of a fresh break up. But not with a person, but persons. Not I'm not from Utah, my band, Clevon Little (no "A" on Cleavon intentionally BTW) had decided to split, and I was realizing that a career as a rock star might not work out after all. But what I did know was that I was getting VERY serious with a certain young lovely that had just recently moved a few miles away. 130 miles to be exact. So what else was a young boy/man to do but go visit???

Now keep in mind that I can drive to Norman in my sleep now (literally, I did last Wednesday :-), but at the time I didn't know Norman from any other town that was outside of my comfort zone of the Tulsa/Broken Arrow area. But as luck would have it, I could make my way to I-44 and my young lovely's mom had agreed to meet me halfway, and I could follow them the rest of the way to Soonersville.

So we meet at the "Mid McDonalds" and my sweetheart jumps in with me to ride back to her parents house. Being as we're SOOO in love and missed each other SOOO much, she decides to cozy up next to me in the middle seat. Don't forget that important detail.

So we cruise down I-44 and as soon as we get off, we notice Sharon gets off on the first available exit and pulls over. And I'm thinking "hmmmmm maybe she's having car problems. I just started a new job at a mechanic shop, and maybe I can save the day and win boyfriend of the year!!"

Not so. No sooner than we get out of the car, we notice a very interesting look on her face. She's not happy, and why would she be, she has been stewing for about 45 minutes watching her daughter and some young punk cuddling next to each other driving down the highway. I didn't realize she was upset by this, but I figured it out pretty damn quick when the "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING??!?!?!" and a few other comments started being hurled at me. And I'm thinking, "wow, this lady's crazy, she might just kick my ass right here off of I-35".

And just as soon as it started, Melissa was now riding with her now and I was flying solo trying to follow her ticked off Mom back to their house. Good fun huh?

So I'm trying to follow them, but I'm just not having a lot of luck, maybe because I'm not familiar with OKC, or maybe I'm still a little flustered from the ass chewing I just took, maybe both.

And all of the sudden, I see her jerk over into another lane. And why wouldn't she? After all the lane ended in about 50 feet, and there's a semi in the way. So after having a mild heart attack, I SLAM on the brakes, and jerk over two lanes of traffic just in time to not get killed by to different vehicles.

So I'm sitting there, getting the bird from 50 different drivers, who are justified in doing so, and I'm thinking to myself, "did she just try to kill me?" I mean I know I was cuddling up with her daughter and everything, but she did take Melissa out of the car, and she knows I'm not familiar with Norman. Man I think she just tried to kill me.
So here I am thinking "oh great, I'm going to Norman all by myself and my chances of getting back to BA in one piece are now slim, but oh well, it'll make for a good story .............................................

Happy B Day Sharon, Love You!!!!!!

P.S. Might I also add that to this day, that's BY FAR the most pissed I've ever seen Sharon, and after trying to follower her a few times since then, I think she may not have been trying to kill me. I think.............................

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Cram Blog

Well I have only myself to blame for letting time slip away since my last entry. He he that sounded dirty. But alot has happened in the world and I'm just gonna have to cram it all into one blog and....... what shall I call it?? I'll think of something.

Well first (first picture) my Cowboys are finally learning how to win in December, and let's hope they can duplicate the ass whipping they handed to the Eagles again this Saturday. Nothing would make me happier than to experience my first Superbowl with Cooper by watching the Cowboys go all the way!!!!!!!

Second, a very talented but not well known musician was lost last week. James Sullivan, better known as "The Rev" from Avenged Sevenfold died last week of "Natural Causes'. Not sure what's so "Natural" about dying at 28, but he was a truly gifted drummer and had the FASTEST feet I've ever heard. Man that guy was good. And I would like to thank MSN for announcing his death in a half page article that aired for a whole 45 mins (literally). I know, I know, the world can't rest until they know where Tiger's wife is grocery shopping at today. Anyway, Rev, you'll be missed by many, including myself. RIP Bro...........................

And last but not least, The 10 Goat. I was digging for a nice pic to represent the turning of the new year, and I think I'm gonna make this little bugger my mascot for this year. He'll even be on my New Years Resolution sheet that I type up every year and stick up next to this very computer I'm typing. Which reminds me, I have an idea. I'll post my NYR's on here, and you post yours, that way we can help each other be accountable for our yearly goals. Ya know the whole "People Helping People" thing. And my resolutions for 2010 could not be ANY more generic, but here they are, in no particular order.

There all number based, thus easy to remember.

175: Target weight. Currently 195.
6:15: Latest I should be allowed to sleep in.
5: Number of miles I will be running every week. Currently running 0.
75: The number of push ups I WILL be doing EVERY night before bed (around 50ish now).

Well there ya go, Merry 2010!!