Thursday, April 22, 2010

Smack Talk 101, Part Two: Beat Em To the Punch

Welcome to chapter two of my Smack Talk 101, Beat Em To the Punch. This is a very important chapter, and should be read only once, but re read MANY times (think about it). It's definitely the most important chapter of the "defensive moves" chapters, and possibly the most important of all 5 chapters.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing a fellow smack talker conjuring up a diss in his head, only to be cut off at the knees by this simple move. The sheer frustration in their eyes is awesome, and BTW, this is a perfect time for a counter punch. But we'll get into that in later chapters.......

And this simple move........ is a self diss, or the "Beating them to the Punch" move. Sound confusing?? Let me give you an example:

Say a buddy and I are meeting up for lunch, I mention to him, "Hey man, did you catch Grey's Anatomy last night?" Now I know for a fact he's setting up a "you're gay" diss in his head, but he's waiting for the right time to throw it. So then he goes in for the setup: "Wait........... you watch Grey's Anatomy?????" And then I crush his dream with my answer, "Well yeah, I'm gay". And you can see his eyes droop like I just told him I slept with his wife. Because now, he either repeats what I just said and looks like a total idiot, or he has to sit back and look for another opening.

Need another?:

"Damn Jim, did you buy ANOTHER new car??" "Yeah ......... I'm addicted to debt, you didn't know that??".

"Hey Don, aren't you going to the poker game?" "No my wife's got my balls, and I can't have em back till Tuesday".

You get the idea.

This simple and extremely effect tactic is like a bulletproof vest for disses.

Now I know you're all asking, "But Julian, how will I know what kind of diss is about to be thrown??" Well that.............. much like anything worth a shit takes time and a little practice. But fear not, you'll pick it up quick. Because if you're following my blog, you must be pretty sharp; and on a quest for knowledge.

Well that's it for the defensive smack talking, next is the all powerful offensive strategies. You'll love em, trust me........


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