3/4 of a YEAR!!!!!!!

Holy crap, I can NOT believe my baby boy is already 9 months old!! I swear only yesterday we were bringing his little 6 pound self home and trying to figure out how to take care of someone who depends on you for EVERYTHING!!! Crazy I tell you.

He's got to be at least 18 pounds now, and if you ask him, he's already an adult. He doesn't care much for cuddling anymore :-( and his number one priority BY FAR is figuring out what he's not supposed to be getting into, and then getting into it.

He's so energetic and full of life, he truly inspires me every morning when he wakes up, gives me a huge smile, and takes off at full speed for whatever that day's adventure is.

Coop, Daddy's so proud of you already. You're such an amazing boy, and I really can't imagine life without you. Oh, and try to stay away from the trash can. I now it's a pretty cool contraption from your view, but it's nasty.................

JWC

Smack Talk 101, "Of Course............"

Good morning my neighbors!!!!!!!! How is everyone?? Well it's been a while since I've had ANY blog, let alone another Smack Talk 101. But I wanted to make sure everyone wasn't getting sick of me (god I'm so needy sometimes). Anyway, this segment touches on a VERY quick, and effective diss that is not only good for a quick strike, but can sometimes cause "Mental Warfare".

We all remember American Beauty right? Ya know the Kevin Spacey movie; mid life crisis, daughter w slutty friend, loser wife that hooks up with the crazy eyebrow guy?? Ya know.... this one:

Yeah I knew you'd remember. Anyway, one big point that Mena Suvari's character was constantly trying to make was how much it sucks to be "normal", "ordinary" or "predictable". And all though her character in the movie was very hot.. errrr, I mean shallow, she brings up a good point; we all want to be thought of as special, or unique, and it's pretty surprising how many people take offense to simply being called : ordinary.

Which brings me to my diss...............

Let's get a few examples: We all know the "One Up" guy/gal in any circle of friends. No matter what you've done, they did it the week before. If you make 8 bucks an hour, they make 9, you get it. So let's say you're hanging out, and you mention that you're going to take a trip to Vegas. And all of the sudden, One Up guy jumps in "Oh yeah, I go there all the time, I have a permanent room at the Wynn and they always comp me stuff and I was in the owners wedding blah blah blah". At that point, just let it out: "Well of course you do".

It may seem subtle, but two things just happened: One, everyone in the room just gave you standing ovation in their heads, and two, you just dropped a "smart bomb" in the douchebag's head. And minutes, hours, or maybe days later he's gonna be wondering what the hell that means, and who the hell you think you are. And that's the "mental warfare" part of it. A war you easily win with your subtle but deadly diss.

It also works on other types, like the "Bitch" of the group: "And I told that ho that if she ever touched my man, I'd kick her ass"............. "Of course you did". As if to say, "Yes, you're a bitch...... we get it." Oh you're so cool, you're not afraid to "go there".

Anyway, you get the idea. Find a person with a very predictable personality, and tee off on it every chance you get.

Have a great week, and as always, comments, suggestions, hate mail, and whatever else is welcome.

JWC.

The Homeless Dude Project

Hey.......... what a coincidence, I also work for food!! I also work to pay for my mortgage, my car payment, formula, beer, golf........ you get the idea.

Throughout my adult life, my attitude has changed...... often and a lot in some cases. The 18 year old Julian; while awesome and in pretty good shape as I remember, was quite flawed. And I hope that the 27 year old Julian is at lease a slight improvement, all though according to my lovely wife, I have become more of a bitch. But that's a whole different blog.

Anyway, on to my point. One thing I've really tried to work on as the years passed is my compassion, and giving people the benefit of the doubt..... at least until they prove me wrong. Let's say some random homeless dude is sitting on the side of the road with a sign. We've all seen them. The 18 year old Julian would have immediately been disgusted and started bitching and carrying on about what a worthless piece of crap this guy is, and probably yelled "get a job you piece of crap" as I drove by.

Nowadays I think I feel a little sorry for the guy, but then I ask myself how he got there, and how much he's really doing to better his situation. And then I had a genius idea to find out............. The Homeless Dude Project.

Here's my plan: Find 10 random homeless people. And offer them a job, nothing too hard or strenuous; just basic manual labor. Say......10 bucks an hour. Give them the address, and offer them a ride, or at least a bus ticket so there's no "I couldn't get there" excuse.

Then, the Homeless Dude Project begins..........

My guess is, out of 10, 6-8 won't show up, or call you, or contact you ever again. But again, this is 27 year old Julian, and I want to give these people a chance. If they do show up, maybe they'll work hard and do good..... my guess is they'll realize that panhandling is easier than actual work and quit, or just not show up the next day, or have such a crappy work ethic that you have to fire them. But again, benefit of the doubt here.

So where do you come in?? Well like most of you, I work for someone else, and I don't have the power to hire/fire people. So I wanna get some of you small business owners in on this. Or those of you that work for someone else, see if your boss will back you up on this, I'm going to.

Let's see if these people truly down on their luck, or did they put themselves where they are.

They say "Will work for food". Let's call their bluff..................

JWC

Balls Up Chapter 2, Playing with New People

Hello friends, welcome to Chapter 2 of the "Balls Up" series, a every man's guide to golf etiquette. This chapter will discuss playing with new people. Something that can be nerve racking, but doesn't have to be. It can actually be a really fun time, especially if you probably won't see that person again :-)

Anytime I hear about a new guy that I'll be playing with, I only have one question: Is he good??. That way I know how to act. If he's good, you can probably bet he at least takes the game somewhat seriously, so maybe don't fart during his back swing, or unstrap his clubs from the cart so they fly off when the cart takes off.

But that doesn't mean you can't have fun. Just keep the beer coming and stay the hell out of his way and you'll probably end up buddies by the time it's over. That's how it works out for me anyway.

And whatever you do, NEVER....... let me repeat NEVER offer up golf advice to ANYONE, but especially someone you don't know that well. I know, you read Golf Digest last night while you were on the pot, but no one cares. No one. Don't be that guy!!!

Just have fun, and try not to hit anyone with your balls. (He he he).

JWC

RIP Ronnie James Dio

It's a sad day my fellow rockers. One of the greatest rock vocalists of all time, and the creator of my all time favorite hand signal (no it's not the finger), has passed after a battle with stomach cancer.

Ronnie James Dio is probably best known for taking the reigns of Black Sabbath after Ozzy Osbourne left. He did a great job, and recorded Heaven and Hell, one of my favorite Sabbath songs. He also went on to form his own band, Dio, which recorded many hits, such as Holy Diver, and Rainbow in the dark.

So here's to a true pioneer of Rock and F'N Roll.

RIP Dio, you will be missed..............

JWC

Balls Up Chapter 1, Quick Run of Golf Lessons

Not gonna waste a lot of time here. Believe it or not, actually playing well is a DISTANT 5th on my priorities behind 1: Having fun, 2: Getting a nice buzz, 3: Talking Crap, and 4: Getting some sun on my white ass.

So here's my quick, yet effective strategy for when you actually have to set down your beer, be quiet, and hit the ball once in a while.

Balls: Cheap. The cheaper the better.

Clubs: Honestly, whatever looks and makes you feel like a BAD ASS, that's what you should buy. Who cares how cheap or expensive they are.

Off the tee: If it's not a par 3, Driver. End of story. Put that stupid ass hybrid up, no one from the tour is scouting you today, and I highly doubt you're going to hit that silly looking thing good anyway. Quit taking yourself so seriously. Driver all the way.

Irons: Take one more club than you think you need, and swing easy. Like a pitching wedge. Nice..... and easy.

Shot Shaping: If you wanna try to draw it, go for it. Hit a high cut, or a low fade, or hell, try to clear some tall trees. You might not make it, but you probably won't hit it straight if you try that either, so who gives a shit?? Just have fun out there.

Lay up or go for it: I hope you don't ever ask yourself this question, but if you do.............. GO FOR IT!!! If you have 225 yards to clear water and you hit your 3 wood 226 yards, you damn well better go for it. If you hit your 3 wood 220 yards, use your driver off the ground. Yes you can do that and no it won't hurt your precious 800 dollar Taylormade CRZ-99LBT with adjustable weighting parameter zone distribution.

On the green. Putt it in the damn hole. If it's within the steel part of you putter shaft to the hole, it's a gimme. I don't give a shit if it's for eagle or triple bogey. Pick it up.

I think that's it............ any questions??

Don't you love getting golf advise from a guy probably breaks 100 25% of the time??

JWC

Balls Up!

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret

Never have more true words been spoken. Hello, and welcome to my latest round of babblings, entitled: Balls Up. It's a REAL WORLD guide to golf Etiquette. Not that "place ball two club lengths not nearest the hole" crap. Real world rules for those of us that aren't in the PGA.

Warning: If you take Golf seriously, don't read ANY further. Seriously, if you're the guy that throws grass up in the air to see which way the wind's blowing, and doesn't like people walking in "YOUR LINE",just go back top whatever you were doing. I honestly appreciate you stopping by, and be sure to check out all the other crap I blog about.

Anyway, golf is such an amazing hobby of mine. All though I haven't been playing much lately, it is truly my favorite hobby......... and I SUCK!! I'm horrible at golf, but I have so much fun, and I ALWAYS laugh my ass off, and usually come home with a decent buzz and a few new stories to tell.

And that's what this series of blogs will be about: How to act on a golf course. I'll be covering all sorts of crap, from playing with people you don't know, to trash talking (yes golf has it's own set of trash talk), to flirting with the beer girl without coming off creepy. And all sorts of other shit. It's all here for the taking.

And......... as an added bonus, I'll have plenty of real life stories peppered in there for your enjoyment. Like the time me and my buddy rolled a gol......... I think I'll save that one for later.

Anyway, stay tuned for the first episode coming soon!!!!!!!!!

Comments and suggestions are welcome as always!!!!

JWC