Even More Crap!!!

Hello there my Blogworld friends! In an effort to keep all you crazy followers of mine EVEN MORE informed, I've decided to add TWO new segments to the Random Crap Blog.

In addition to my "Ask Jules" column, and my informative blogs, I've now added "Douche Bag of the Week" on Tuesdays, and "Funny Word of the Week" on Thursdays.

If you would like to nominate a Douche Bag or Funny Word, or have any questions for the "Ask Jules" column, OR are just dying for another informative blog, get a hold of me any which way you can!!

OR............... if you have any other ideas for the Random Crap Blog, I'd love to hear em!!

JWC

Smack Talk 101, Part Two: Beat Em To the Punch

Welcome to chapter two of my Smack Talk 101, Beat Em To the Punch. This is a very important chapter, and should be read only once, but re read MANY times (think about it). It's definitely the most important chapter of the "defensive moves" chapters, and possibly the most important of all 5 chapters.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing a fellow smack talker conjuring up a diss in his head, only to be cut off at the knees by this simple move. The sheer frustration in their eyes is awesome, and BTW, this is a perfect time for a counter punch. But we'll get into that in later chapters.......

And this simple move........ is a self diss, or the "Beating them to the Punch" move. Sound confusing?? Let me give you an example:

Say a buddy and I are meeting up for lunch, I mention to him, "Hey man, did you catch Grey's Anatomy last night?" Now I know for a fact he's setting up a "you're gay" diss in his head, but he's waiting for the right time to throw it. So then he goes in for the setup: "Wait........... you watch Grey's Anatomy?????" And then I crush his dream with my answer, "Well yeah, I'm gay". And you can see his eyes droop like I just told him I slept with his wife. Because now, he either repeats what I just said and looks like a total idiot, or he has to sit back and look for another opening.

Need another?:

"Damn Jim, did you buy ANOTHER new car??" "Yeah ......... I'm addicted to debt, you didn't know that??".

"Hey Don, aren't you going to the poker game?" "No my wife's got my balls, and I can't have em back till Tuesday".

You get the idea.

This simple and extremely effect tactic is like a bulletproof vest for disses.

Now I know you're all asking, "But Julian, how will I know what kind of diss is about to be thrown??" Well that.............. much like anything worth a shit takes time and a little practice. But fear not, you'll pick it up quick. Because if you're following my blog, you must be pretty sharp; and on a quest for knowledge.

Well that's it for the defensive smack talking, next is the all powerful offensive strategies. You'll love em, trust me........

JWC

Smack Talk 101, Part One: Don't Be a Bitch

Welcome to Part One of a the Smack Talk 101 series: Don't Be a Bitch.

This is pretty self explanatory, but it still needs to be addressed. As a 24/7/365 smack talker, I dish out my fair share of disses, so of course I get more than a king's share thrown back at me. It's important that you learn to "own them". If you get a good diss thrown your way that really hits you between the eyes, all you can do is smile, and say "you asshole, you got me". Even it it kinda cuts deep, don't EVER............EVER let someone know they got to you.

Trust me, if you try to be a baby that wants to take his/her toys and go home, not only will you look like a total biotch, but you basically just slit your wrist over a shark's tank. And when they get a whiff of that blood, you're toast. Next thing you know, your crying yourself to sleep wondering what the hell just happened.

It's kinda like that Chinese finger trap, the more you resist, the more trapped you get.

So remember, if you get a good diss thrown your way, own it. Take your medicine and move on. Don't be a............ well you know.

JWC

Smack Talk 101

Has their ever been a been a better shit talker than Cassius Clay??

Yeah I didn't think so either.

In my effort to support my Hugh Jass ego, that actually thinks I have something useful to contribute to society, I've decided to post a series of articles about one of the few things I'm pretty damn good at; and that's talking smack. DAMN what a long sentence!!

Anyway, this will be a 5 part series that's guaranteed to make you better at talking smack with your friends, enemies, or anyone in between!

Smack talking, talkin shit, throwing down, whatever you wanna call it, is a delicate art. Lay it on too thick, and you'll come off as a douche bag:








Too thin, and you identify yourself as a doormat, for people to take advantage of and crap on:








But what you're looking for is the perfect combination. And I have 5 simple rules to making that happen:

Each will be discussed separately in each of the 5 installments of Smack Talk 101.

The first two are defensive, and by FAR the most important. And the last three are offensive. Those are the most fun, but are not even a close second in importance to the first two.

1. Don't be a bitch.
2. Beat them to the Punch.
3. Compare and Contrast.
4. Sarcasm is golden.
5. Talk smack without saying a word.


Look for the first installment soon.


And as always feel free to submit your questions, comments, or whatever else to me any frekin way you can!

JWC

Monkey Knife Fight

Is there anything better than a good old fashioned Monkey Knife Fight?? I think not.

So how is everyone?? Good I hope. I'm well, thanks for asking..... well I'm sure you would if ... I ... well you know.

So I guess everyone knows about Phil winning the masters, I would say he was my second pic to win behind my number one man crush, Tiger. He's a great golfer and his wife is pretty hot too, well best I could tell with those Hugh Jass sunglasses on. So good for you Phil, you Hugh Grant look-alike you.........

Man this blog is really going no where isn't it? I really just wanted a reason to post that awesome MKF pic I found.

See ya,

JWC

HELLO!!

I'm trying my new "post blogs from your cell phone feature"

Please post a comment if it worked!

Masters Week

For those of you that have been living under a rock, the Masters start today. Which is big every year, but this year is especially huge because the long awaited return of Mr. Tiger 99 problems and 15 bitches are one, (or 15.... whatever) is returning to golf.

I wish him well, and no matter what happens, I'm just glad to have a reason to watch golf again.

GET IN THE HOLE TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JWC